Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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