Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
