I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
