Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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