You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
