Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
