In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Rumble strips road head = magical
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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