I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
