We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
