K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
