toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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