If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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