I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
