yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
