Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
