If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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