guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
