and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
