You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
