Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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