Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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