The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
