I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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