...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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