I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
