we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
