Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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