You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
