I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
