dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
