I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
