Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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