We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
