I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
