eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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