$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
