Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
