Don't make out with my wife yet
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
