I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
