HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
