she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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