You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
