Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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