there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
