is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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