im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
