It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We got so high we made milksteak
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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