Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
