I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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