Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He kissed a someone with a penis
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
