he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize