i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
