i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
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Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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