She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
