toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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