Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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