Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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