How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
