you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
