cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
