At least make sure they are 18
Why
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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