just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
